metamorphotic | you've got to carry your heart like a torch in the night.

[Duke's spirits rise when Nick talks about fighting back, about going on. It was the best thing she could've said: if she reassured him she didn't want to die, that was one thing. Wanting to defeat these things meant living for a valiant reason. He finds himself flashing her a small smile.] You're right.

Yeah. Three days, and we're going to get you to okay. [The smile fades from his face.] What I didn't tell you is that day two's the hardest. That's why you're calling the shots. But this particular shot, I want to make sure it won't complicate anything after this.

[Friends with benefits probably was the best term for them, and as Nick's friend Duke didn't want to discourage her, especially now. She was a beautiful and amazing person, he wanted to do what was right by her, and that's why he has to be sure that sex was going to make things better, not worse. He'd lost enough friends already, he didn't want to lose her due to emotional clumsiness.

He lays down alongside her, draping his arm around her for the human contact, to remind them both that they're still here. It's the least he can do.]

Biting's not what I was worried about, but thanks. And for the record, I think you're doing pretty good so far.

[nick doesn’t feel like she’s doing good, but it seems pointless to argue. instead, she manages a small, soft smile and wraps an arm around duke’s shoulder, curling in closer.]

We’re friends, right? [that’s what he said last night, and she doesn’t disagree.] Trust me, I’m not about to throw away a friend like you over something like this. You’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, y’know?

[which is a weird thing to say in such a fucked up situation, sure. doesn’t make it any less true. nick closes her eyes and brushes a kiss to his forehead, and continues in a drowsy murmur:]

We don’t have to if you don’t want it. And you don’t have to want it just ‘cause I do, ‘cause it’s gonna help me feel better and get through this shitshow. But it’s not gonna complicate anything from my end. Either way, I’m glad you’re here. I don’t know if I could’ve got through last night without you.

[when she leans in this time, it’s to brush her lips against his. then she settles back against the pillow, exhales a soft breath, and blinks her eyes open again.]

That blowing up you mentioned ... was it something like this? ‘Mnot tryin’ to be nosy, just wondering why you’re worried about this going complicated.

Yeah, we're friends. [That was comfortable, felt safe. While Duke would normally be willing to take a risk over safe, the key word was normal. They were in short supply of that in Dualis, especially so soon after the executions. You don't rock a boat in stormy conditions. He pulls her against him, arm resting on the small of her back, smiles.] We're going to have to make sure more good things happen to you.

It's not that I don't want it. I just don't want to mess this up. Am I messing this up?

[It's a real question, and he guesses he owes her an answer in turn. Duke sighs, not pleased to touch on the topic, but it was fair of Nick to ask.]

Not exactly. Most of the women I've dated or tried to date this year, something bad's happened. Usually Trouble stuff.

[between duke and drifter, nick thinks she's already been overpaid on good things to come from this awful place. it's a strange feeling, to have so much good in her life now when there was such a huge absence of it before, but she's trying to get used to it. she's also trying to shake the long-held belief that she doesn't deserve good things, good people, good friends. yesterday was a bad backslide, but today, she's got duke by her side, and that's proof, because he is a good man and a good friend. case in point: his concern and caution over her.]

You're not messing anything up. Like I said - I'm just glad you're here. If something more happens, that'll be nice, but if you just hang out with me like this, that's good too.

[she leans in to brush another soft kiss against his mouth, hopeful that duke will take it as a sign of reassurance that she won't be upset if nothing more of a physical nature happens today.]

I'm sorry ... you don't have to tell me more if you don't wanna, but I don't mind if you wanna talk about it. I feel like I've been talkin' too much anyway.

[capital-t trouble stuff always sounds bad, and nick remembers what duke confessed to her last night about his own trouble. she can't imagine how complicated it would be to throw all of that into the mix with dating.]

This, I can do.

[He feels a little guilty offering to do whatever she needed to heal and then holding back. Duke's glad she's willing to settle for being close. More than that seemed too extreme too fast, too likely to shake whatever they had loose from its moorings. A kiss, a safe place, a friend: maybe that could be enough.]

It's hard to explain. The dating pool in Haven is a little more dangerous than it is here. [Which sounds so much like a joke even he has to smile at it.] Since the Troubles started up, the girls I've been into have, uh -- one almost killed me with her Trouble. Two died. And the next one, she... [Was my best friend. Turned me down. Loves someone else. Got abducted by an evil teleporting barn dimension.] I was trying to help her when I got here.

Edited 2020-02-23 04:58 (UTC)

[nick doesn’t feel like she’s settling with duke. she’s a physical person, communicates better through the language of touch, and what she needs to heal is simply that - positive, reassuring, comforting touch, something that she previously has only been able to acquire in a sexual context. she hasn’t known how to ask for what she needs in any other way until now, nor would she have been comfortable asking, but she can do that now with duke.

though she almost wishes she hadn’t asked when he tells her two of his romantic pursuits of the past year died. one almost killing him is bad enough, and being separated from another and ending up here instead is pretty awful, but two others, dead - that’s more than anyone should have to deal with.

no wonder he’s so experienced with loss that he’s got a three-day grieving plan worked out.]

Duke ... Jesus.

[her expression pinches in sympathetic pain, eyelashes damp with tears that have sprung up unexpectedly. like last night when he’d confessed to killing a man to save the lives of his children, she’s overcome with the impulse to kiss him over and over, to reinforce that he deserves to be loved. so she leans in, conveys how much she wishes he never had to experience this pain with her hand softly cupping his jaw. how is duke one of the most stable, solid people she’s ever met, with how much horror he’s lived through?]

[What do you even say about that? What can you say? For a while Duke stays silent, closing his eyes and accepting Nick's gentle touch to his face. He'd been bearing those losses alone for the most part, something he'd learned to do as well as he could, so the sympathy was more than welcome. He moves his hand over hers again, holding it, stroking his thumb over it, and just looks at her.

It had been a long time since he'd had the breathing room to hold someone and just look at them. It strikes him suddenly how rare that is, how likely it is that it might not happen again, either here or in Haven.]

Vanessa could predict people's deaths and saved them until she died trying. Evi got shot trying to break a quarantine. Audrey's the one I tried to bring back. She's my friend, and wherever she is now, we need her back home.

[No mention of the woman who nearly killed him, that's not a story he's ready to tell. Instead he just sighs and traces her cheek in turn, his fingers finding her hair and gently combing through. He notes the tears gathering in her eyes with a frown.]

Sorry. Ex talk sucks even when it doesn't include obituaries. And lately I'm a little worried I might be bad luck.

[she knows better than to ask about his brush with death while dating. some stories are too much to tell. it’s been years since that awful nightbane in stanley park attacked her, and the memory still terrifies her as it reminds her of how easily she could’ve died. she can only guess at how much worse what duke experienced could be, and for him, it was much more recent. so she doesn’t press for that story - duke will talk about it when he’s ready, if ever.]

You got nothin’ to be sorry about. [she forces a small, sad smile for him.] And I don’t think it’s you that’s the bad luck - sounds more like it’s that town you’re from.

[she turns her head so her lips find the underside of his wrist, where she places a soft kiss. her heart spills over with the volume of her love for him, and she doesn’t have the words to tell him. the only way she can express the depth of what she feels is by touch, with kisses and the gentle brushing of fingertips over his skin.

she hopes it’s enough.]

You’ve been nothing but good luck for me.

[He isn't ready to talk about it. Even if he was, it's the wrong time for it. It might be the wrong time to bring up anyone he'd lost, this was supposed to be about Nick and not him. Maybe it shows her she isn't alone? Maybe it shows him.

He'd come here to comfort her and instead she was trying to make him feel better, holding him and showing him with softness. He tries to think of the last time that had happened to him. Duke's used to being needed, he isn't as used to being wanted. He spends more time holding other people up than he does being held, and Nick's trying to hold him up even when she can't stand up straight herself. It's the kindest thing anyone's done for him in months.]

Maybe my luck is changing.

[they’re both hurting - maybe duke wasn’t as close to those who were executed, but it’s still a jarring, awful thing to witness, a not-so-subtle warning to obey, or else. and if it drags up memories of duke’s more recent losses? nick is, without question, willing to offer support in the same vein as what duke’s already given her. that’s what friends do - they support each other.]

That reminds me of this Radiohead song - d’you know it? I’m on a roll, I’m on a roll, this time ... I feel my luck could change ...

[the words she sings are quiet, almost fragile as she breathes them out, eyes closed. she slips her hand over his, laces their fingers together. moves in closer to kiss him slowly and hopes the affection is accepted.]

Is this OK?

[it’s what she wants, but if he doesn’t, she’ll stop.]

[He wasn't, and the executions hit him as hard as the Head no doubt intended -- modern people unused to celebrated human suffering weren't going to be able to process that easily. Duke wasn't used to it, would never want to be. But he'd just watched people die, and Nick had watched people she cared about die. People she easily could've died alongside.

It's different, and he understands it. It's why he smiles for half a moment before squeezing her fingers. Why he returns that kiss, even if it feels a little nerve-wracking right now.]

Don't stop singing.

{time and tide wait for no man}

you've got to carry your heart like a torch in the night.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject