metamorphotic | you've got to carry your heart like a torch in the night.

you've got to carry your heart like a torch in the night.

[she knows better than to ask about his brush with death while dating. some stories are too much to tell. it’s been years since that awful nightbane in stanley park attacked her, and the memory still terrifies her as it reminds her of how easily she could’ve died. she can only guess at how much worse what duke experienced could be, and for him, it was much more recent. so she doesn’t press for that story - duke will talk about it when he’s ready, if ever.]

You got nothin’ to be sorry about. [she forces a small, sad smile for him.] And I don’t think it’s you that’s the bad luck - sounds more like it’s that town you’re from.

[she turns her head so her lips find the underside of his wrist, where she places a soft kiss. her heart spills over with the volume of her love for him, and she doesn’t have the words to tell him. the only way she can express the depth of what she feels is by touch, with kisses and the gentle brushing of fingertips over his skin.

she hopes it’s enough.]

You’ve been nothing but good luck for me.

[He isn't ready to talk about it. Even if he was, it's the wrong time for it. It might be the wrong time to bring up anyone he'd lost, this was supposed to be about Nick and not him. Maybe it shows her she isn't alone? Maybe it shows him.

He'd come here to comfort her and instead she was trying to make him feel better, holding him and showing him with softness. He tries to think of the last time that had happened to him. Duke's used to being needed, he isn't as used to being wanted. He spends more time holding other people up than he does being held, and Nick's trying to hold him up even when she can't stand up straight herself. It's the kindest thing anyone's done for him in months.]

Maybe my luck is changing.

[they’re both hurting - maybe duke wasn’t as close to those who were executed, but it’s still a jarring, awful thing to witness, a not-so-subtle warning to obey, or else. and if it drags up memories of duke’s more recent losses? nick is, without question, willing to offer support in the same vein as what duke’s already given her. that’s what friends do - they support each other.]

That reminds me of this Radiohead song - d’you know it? I’m on a roll, I’m on a roll, this time ... I feel my luck could change ...

[the words she sings are quiet, almost fragile as she breathes them out, eyes closed. she slips her hand over his, laces their fingers together. moves in closer to kiss him slowly and hopes the affection is accepted.]

Is this OK?

[it’s what she wants, but if he doesn’t, she’ll stop.]

[He wasn't, and the executions hit him as hard as the Head no doubt intended -- modern people unused to celebrated human suffering weren't going to be able to process that easily. Duke wasn't used to it, would never want to be. But he'd just watched people die, and Nick had watched people she cared about die. People she easily could've died alongside.

It's different, and he understands it. It's why he smiles for half a moment before squeezing her fingers. Why he returns that kiss, even if it feels a little nerve-wracking right now.]

Don't stop singing.

{time and tide wait for no man}

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you've got to carry your heart like a torch in the night.

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