metamorphotic | you've got to carry your heart like a torch in the night.

you've got to carry your heart like a torch in the night.

Guess I better figure out where that is, huh?

[she smiles like it’s a joke, but it’s a joke that’s made to cover for something much less mirthful, something sticky and prickled that should be kept locked away from sight. then she shrugs.]

Like I said, the world I knew moved on without me - maybe even before I got picked up by the Door. I did some traveling in space later on and it didn’t even feel all that weird. And here? ‘Cept for the obvious reasons, it’s just another city. Cities are always gonna have bars full of people with broken hearts who’re lookin’ for a distraction. And those bars are always gonna need people to pour drinks and listen to those broken hearts. Bartending’s really all I know - that and music. I can do both of those anywhere.

[she has no ties back on her homeworld, no family, no close friends. her mother hadn’t contacted nick once after she left for chicago, might even be dead by now. her former friends and loves have all moved on with their lives. and nick refuses to allow herself the hope of finding tim again. she knows that would only set herself up for disappointment.]

But I’ll help you get outta here - I’ll do whatever I can. I don’t want anyone to be stuck here any longer than they gotta be. I mean, yeah, gettin’ dropped in the middle of somewhere weird and dangerous with other people or monsters or whatever, it makes you feel less alone, knowing everyone else is in that same boat. But we already established I gotta get used to being alone, right?

[she flashes drifter another of those not-quite-joking smiles, and quickly moves on to answering his other question.]

There wasn’t a god called Hunger in Hadriel. Fear, Hope, Rage, Delight, [her face twists into a momentary scowl with that name,] Sorrow, Tranquility, Confusion, and Love. Just Fear and Hope at first, and they let us pick who they’d bring back next, when they’d built up enough power for it. Love was the last one, [she says, with a light laugh. somehow, that wasn’t surprising.] Why? This Hunger guy owe you money or somethin’?

You're gonna know more. Eventually.

[Drifter looks at his nails, then at his palm. To be honest, he hasn't seen his hands on a regular basis in a long, long time. He's been in his armor pretty constantly.]

Trust me, I was a bartender, too. I've been a farmer. Tended to livestock. Been a bodyguard, escortin' Pilgrims to the City Walls. Decided that the light wasn't enough, became a scientist. [Of sorts, anyway.] Did all the research the damn purist Warlocks wouldn't- they're uh... a class of Risen that are high intellect, carry all their power in the energy they put out. They got shit for resiliance though. You need some damn good armor to take care of them. Like glass cannons, they are.

But a guy like me? They didn't see me comin'.

You say that 'it's all you know'. You'll learn more. 'Cause there's only so long you can do the same old, same old.

[But that last bit, the explanation about the gods, this time it just earns a shrug. He physically tries to write the feeling off with the gesture, an act of denial in the words as he associates it to being a 'them problem'.]

Nah. The Hive name their gods in sorta fancy ways. Secrets, Keeper of Order, the Ever-Hunger, the Will of Thousands, the Honest. Anything that names their gods that sorta shit ain't good. Ever-Hunger is the biggest of the assholes. Sounds like one of them owes you money, especially with that look on their face.

[she already knows more than "just bartending" - she has the mechanical knowledge and skills of that self from her alternate world. she's not intentionally omitting that for devious purposes, just selling herself short. nick was told for so much of her life that she'd never amount to anything, and she internalized that falsehood about herself, took it for truth and came to believe that being a bartender was the best she could manage. she'd never get a college degree and land a job in an office; she wasn't good or lucky or driven enough with her music to stand out and rise to fame. but she could do what it takes to get by, and nick always figured that was enough, because she didn't have any designs on living an exceptionally long life.

now, though? an exceptionally long life is exactly what she has to look forward to, unless circumstances align against her. maybe she'll manage to figure something out before that happens.]

Delight was the only one of those assholes I could stand. She was ... nice. She wanted everyone to be happy. She gave us a bar, and she gave me a job there when I needed something to set my head on straight and keep me going. And then she sold us all out to these robot things that wanted to just kill us all. She acted like she was our friend, and it turned out she cared even less about us than those other shitheads - I mean, Fear at least was upfront about being a creep and wanting to scare us. Burying us alive was really fucked up, but he never pretended to like us like Delight did. And he still wanted us to stay alive, even if it was only so he could get power from us.

[her fingers tighten for a moment around the plastic bottle of water, and the bottle makes a crackling crunch of noise. nick leans forward to set the bottle on the table in front of her, then slouches back into the couch to flash drifter a subdued smile.]

I just don't do well with betrayal. But I guess I better get used to that, too.

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you've got to carry your heart like a torch in the night.

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